20 + years ago I used to have a house filled with candles. At any time, burning several in one room. It brought me passion for the heat, colour, scent and ambience. I felt a lot of inner peace when burning them.
Several years ago, I fell into a very dark place. A place I didn't know how to pull myself out of.
Mental health issues have plagued my life for a long time, but I had “coping mechanisms” that held me together at a functioning state, but in recent years, nothing was working anymore.
With each word at it's most solid, I can say that, I honestly did not think I would be here today. The depths of the darkness, no words can do it justice.
I gave up in every way possible.
It took me a very long time to admit and accept help, it took me a very long time to find the strength to ask for it. The will to want it and the effort to chase it.
I was lucky enough to have a very loving Son who stuck by me through every dark moment. Gluing himself to me to fight my fight when I was losing the battle.
And for that, I owe him my life.
Thank you, J, I love you.
And thank you for helping me make this site. :)
I can't recall the exact moment that I made the step to get help, but I remember a friend (Sox) asking me if I was ok.
It was the first time I actually said “no”
Hearing myself say that was incredibly profound and in turn started my road to finding some kind of worth and functionality back.
Thank you, Sox. X
Meeting with the right Psychologists over the past year, on a weekly basis, has really started to shift the bad habits of my thought process in a more positive direction.
For the first time in my life, seeing that it was actually ok that I wasn't ok. That it is ok that I'm not like everyone else.
They gave and taught me tools I never had before.
Learning that I do deserve to be worth something and to fight for it.
Gently telling me, I am worth it. I deserve this. To love myself.
These things sitting in my head, learning what self care and self-love is.
I never understood these things before.
Getting me to find something in my past that used to bring about passion and life, peace and love.
Thank you, Ms.S, You have moved my dark world into a lighter place.
The right support coordinator, moving mountains to find the right people. Thank you, Ms. I and Thank you.. Ms L.
Ms.S and Ms. J, teaching me how to control my "A to Z's" and giving my confusions names. Knowing how far to push and knowing when to pull back.
Never feeling judged by any of them.
They taught me how powerful negative words are and how they impact over a time, teaching me that even as a joke, self deprecation is very unhealthy, even in the form of humour.
It conditions oneself to start believing it and it becomes natural over time.
I'm learning to reverse it and it's slowly working.

And here I am full circle, but this time, I'm not just a functioning being, I'm learning to live too.
I found my passion for candles once again.
Only now, I'm making them.
I've been making candles for about a year now, but only recently decided to sell them to share their beauty.
To play with and see their beauty in the most natural form, to add some colour and scent and seeing an end result, seeing what smiles they bring to others.
It's amazing.
I often smell something in the wind that brings me back to a time of happiness and peace, and I've found a way to make that my own and a regular thing.
I want to share this with others.
We all deserve serenity, peace and comfort and if something as small as a candle can do that, then that is amazing and very worth it.
After all, it is the simple things in life that mean the most, right?

As as a side note.
$2 from each candle sold, will be donated to R U OK?
R U OK? is an Australian non-profit suicide prevention organisation.
https://www.ruok.org.au/

Sometimes all someone needs to hear is R U OK?
It might very well save someone's life.
We may not be able to change the world, but we might be able to change someone's world.

Love yourself and don't be Blu.X